Wednesday, May. 07, 2008

Judy La Salle: The dangers of senior speech

Not long ago I wrote about the fact that, as we get older, we tend to say whatever we are thinking, regardless of where we are or who is within earshot.

Some people wrote to me, saying they knew exactly what I was talking about, and gave me more examples.

In one instance, a woman said she was with her granddaughter at a mall and saw a young couple near the outside door, in a position that resembled a sex act.

She said it was no different from what many teenagers do, who don't seem to have been taught otherwise.

She continued with, "As we passed them going to our car I said, 'You two should get a motel!'" She added, "I don't know what got into me, but I know if my mother had seen me do that I wouldn't have sat down for a year."

Then she said, "Boy did I hurry my granddaughter to the car," and added, "Well, you know when we were in the safety of my car I gave her the lecture. 'If I ever see you do that, etc., etc.' Needless to say I started the car quickly, but as we left, I looked back to the mall and they had 'unattached,' so maybe standing up for what we feel does some good. Just watch your back when you do it."

Another example was, "The other day I was leaving a grocery store and viewed a gentleman about age 30 spitting sunflower seeds all over the sidewalk. 'You are making quite a mess!' came out of my mouth to him before I knew what I was saying. Believe me I walked very quickly to my car. In today's world one does not know how a stranger will act if someone comments on their behavior."

On the face of it, these two anecdotes simply reinforce what I said about being older and feeling free to say what we think, like our grandparents did when they were our ages.

But there is another theme at work here that is a lot more scary, and fairly recent, I think.

I can't imagine it crossing my grandmother's or my mother's minds that they might by in physical danger for publicly stating opinions with which others might disagree. "Watch your back" and, "One does not know how a stranger will act ..." are very telling statements with which most of us can identify these days -- in a land of free speech, no less.

Perhaps such statements occasionally engender anger because the remarks point out the inappropriateness of their behavior, and for some that hits a culpable chord.

Surely those two teenagers who were striking a very private pose at the very public mall knew there might be something unsuitable in what they were doing.

Yet, it can happen that, when people are censured according to the mores of the majority, they feel they have been unfairly attacked, rather than corrected. Some retaliate.

Boy, talk about a tyranny of the minority.

It isn't that unusual anymore, particularly for those who are in trouble with the law, to react with violence when someone says something they consider disrespectful, or something they just don't like, both of which can be difficult to predict.

They may attack because someone looked at them the wrong way, or merely because they "heard" that someone "said something bad" about them.

Would they punch a senior nose?

Would they assault an elder who has sat mum for decades and finally needs to get something off his or her chest? Who knows.

These days it's anybody's guess, and that's what's scary.

Judy La Salle is a retired division director with the Merced County Probation Department. Her e-mail address is judy@justadvice.com or see www.justolder.com