Pet Talk: Brotherhood of biting bugs

Victor, a 2-year-old unemployed flea, makes his home in Central California. A founder of the "Brotherhood of Biting Bugs," he hopes this interview will help us to better understand fleas and become more tolerant of all biting insects.

"Mr. Flea"

"Please, call me Vic"

"OK, Vic, why do you think fleas have such a bad reputation?"

"I'm not really sure. Fleas are actually quite cute and adorable. We have a saying "to feed us is to love us."

"Yes, but you are blood sucking insects. . ."

"That's true, but it's not all our fault. Besides getting a good job in a circus, there aren't a whole lot of opportunities out there for a young flea just starting out"

"So most of you become parasites that leave bacterial disease, allergies and tapeworms in your wake?"

"No comment!"

"When did you first realize you were destined to become a flea?"

"We fleas reach adulthood in a month. As an infant, I was just like every other cuddly baby flea -- I wriggled around in the carpeting and grass, minding my own business."

"But a month later you were attacking innocent cats and dogs?"

"Well actually, I was younger than that when I ate my first meal, because I was a Summer baby. This time of year, we become adults in about two weeks. You see, we fleas love California! It's the perfect climate for us. The hotter it gets, the quicker we can reproduce!"

"And now you've founded the 'Brotherhood of Biting Bugs.'"

"Yes, I want to put fleas back where they belong at the top of the food chain. Some misinformed people think we're ugly, but we are really quite majestic. There's something poetic about a flea making a perfect 3-foot leap and landing on its victim!"

"Then you feel fleas are being cheated by the media?

"You better believe it, except for a periodic mention of our hand in the Black Death, we don't get any good press."

"How do you hope to gain public support for your 'Brotherhood of Biting Bugs?'"

"Actually, I'm in the middle of a hunger strike -- I haven't had a meal in 9 months!"

"That's incredible."

"Just between you and me, it's really no big deal. We fleas can wait a remarkably long time between meals. We just become dormant until something tasty wakes us up, and then . . . supper time!"

"One thing I've always wondered, how do you fleas find your prey?"

"We can sense vibrations, air currents, body heat, and even some hormones! In my humble opinion, of all the biting bugs, we are certainly the most highly developed."

"What does the future hold for Fleakind?"

"Things are looking pretty rough. Veterinarians have these new products that last longer and work better at killing us than anything available elsewhere. Right now, they seem to have a leg up on us. That's a flea pun, get it, "a leg up?"

"Yes, well, I think I'm about out of time."

"Mr. Reporter, I have one question for you -- Do you have any pets?"

Before I could answer, Vic the Flea laughed out loud as he hopped to his home under the couch.

Dr. Jon Klingborg is a Merced veterinarian associated with Valley Animal Hospital. He can be contacted at ask drjon@pacbell.net