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Monday, Aug. 24, 2009

Merced woman retires after 45 years of helping educate new mothers

Betty Barber won't guess how many moms she's helped over the past 45 years. Count every support group she's led, every home visit, every frantic 2 a.m. crisis call, and it's probably well into the thousands, her friends and colleagues estimate.

Barber's husband of 50 years puts it this way: He says the couple rarely makes it through a trip to the market or the mall without someone approaching to ask his wife, "Do you remember me? You helped me with my baby."

Since 1964, Barber has led meetings in Merced for La Leche League, an international nonprofit that uses mother-to-mother support, encouragement and education to help women breastfeed their babies.

After 45 years, she finally has decided to retire.

For decades, the local number listed in the phone book for La Leche League has rung directly to Barber's McSwain-area home, and for decades she has dutifully answered every call, no matter the hour.

"When it's 4 in the morning and you've been up all night with a screaming baby and you just can't get him to eat or sleep, Betty's exactly who you want on the other end of the line," says Diane Sperling, Barber's longtime friend and a La Leche League leader in Fresno. "She has all the answers, and her dedication never wavers."

With cropped gray hair, pink lipstick and seemingly endless energy, the 73-year-old Barber has helped generations of Merced moms frustrated by unsuccessful attempts to breastfeed or confused by its myths -- that nursing isn't important, that it's somehow shameful, that it's easy.

She's led decades of weekly support circles and classes on parenting and childbirth. She's opened her home for regional La Leche League conferences and has answered thousands of mother's phone calls, including in Spanish. And she's done it all without pay.

"Most of the time moms just need encouragement and information," says Barber, a mother of six and grandmother of 15. "They just want to hear that they're doing a good job and that what they're feeling isn't unusual or wrong."

La Leche League International was founded in Chicago in the 1950s. Its mission may mystify those who've never breastfed a baby or lived with a nursing mother, but the bottom line is this: Breastfeeding is harder than it looks. For new moms exhausted by sleepless nights and fluctuating hormones, even small frustrations can feel overwhelming.

Misinformation and outside pressures only add to the tension. "Women often have their doctor telling them one thing, their mother-in-law telling them something else and their friends telling them something else," Barber explains. "We provide factual information and support, and we don't judge."

Barber carefully follows breastfeeding research and is always ready to tick off the numerous health and development benefits of a mother's milk. She decries what she describes as the western world's imposition of formula and bottle feeding on the developing world, and she denounces the common hospital practice of sending new mothers home with formula samples and coupons.

"There's no money in breast milk," she quips.

Besides her own experience as a mom, Barber draws on knowledge she's gained through decades of talking to other parents.

"Any mom who calls her with a problem -- chances are Betty's heard it before and she knows what to do," says Michelle Byus, who sought Barber's help after the birth of her first child 13 years ago. "And she has a gift for putting people at ease."

Barber has even coached wives of pediatricians. "There are some things that mothers can only learn from other mothers," she explains.