I don't think I had ever been to a wedding where guests wore jeans until I moved out West. And I suppose I'll continue to show up over-dressed, because my proper Eastern upbringing won't allow me to attend a wedding, a funeral or any other special occasion in my blue jeans, faded or not.
But in pioneer days, according to local museum docents, wedding finery rarely existed, except for the very wealthy.
The first impression of love often resulted in marriage. Distinction of rank and fortune mattered little, as marriages were agreed upon more for convenience or even survival, rather than for romance. But even so, a wedding meant celebration, and work was set aside at least for a short time so the whole community could join in.
At the La Grange Museum a wedding gown lies preserved beneath glass. Although it isn't made with white satin or beaded pearls, it's still lovely. In shades of brown and black, the dress retains its elegance, with detailed stitching upon yards of fabric, and fashionable accessories -- all worn by a young bride long ago.
My thoughts are centered on romance, as two weddings of close family friends will take place within a month's time. My husband was asked to perform one of the ceremonies, which involves marriage counseling. And, of course, there's Valentine's Day in between. Cupids and candlelight are swirling madly around my head!
Newspapers in the last century used to print every delicious detail of these blessed events in their Society pages. Lengthy descriptions were given of pastel colored taffeta and tulle gowns worn by all the females in the wedding party, the flowers in each bouquet, boutonniere and centerpiece, as well as the cake, mints, petit fours, sparkling punch, china, glassware and silverware that graced the reception tables. Whew!
Many of our grandmothers' wedding photos, if we were to compare them, would look similar, following traditions of that era. But today's weddings reflect more of a couple's creativity, budget and personal expression.
At a wedding our family attended last summer, the ring bearer sat in a red wagon, as someone pulled it up the aisle. And later the bride danced outside, first in her father's arms, and then in her husband's, as the sun set behind them in the western sky.
Reception buffets include sliced-meat platters and spicy ranch beans, instead of champagne and caviar. Friends and family stand close by to cut and serve a wedding cake made by the groom's aunt. Rehearsal dinners are often held at the home of a close relative, where dishes have been brought potluck. Another relative, an amateur photographer, will snoop around taking pictures.
A young couple whose finances are tight wants simplicity. But what about candles and candelabras, the bride's mother asks. A close friend offers to loan the needed items. Someone else will bring a large sheet to cover the massive painting of a bear in the forest, hanging on the wall of the hotel's banquet room.
Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue...
Even in modern times, nostalgia and tradition somehow tend to find their way into the plans.
I must be getting older, a friend said to me last week. Because I look at these couples, and think, they're so young.
But we were, too. They'll do a huge amount of growing up together, just as so many of us have.
Johnny Carson once remarked that his "Tonight Show" was America's best form of birth control.
Enough said.
No matter what your wedding day was like, after every wedding comes a marriage. And marriages are worth keeping, as families, communities and nations are built upon the foundation of two becoming one. Whether you prefer blue jeans or black tie and tails, making room for a little romance in the business and busyness of everyday life is well worth the effort.
Debbie Croft writes about life in the foothill communities. She can be reached at composed@tds.net, or at her Sun-Star blog, City Girl, Country Life.
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