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Saturday, Nov. 07, 2009

Random evidence of a cluttered mind . . .

People voted to elect a new city of Miami mayor Tuesday. Results were surprising, but you know what they say about politics being all about the timing.

"I'm honored and humbled," Mayor Ted Ginn Jr. said.

Analysts credit Ginn's catchy, if somewhat cumbersome, campaign slogan:

"I Won't Take Kick Backs - No Way. I'll Take Kicks Back - All The Way!"

Exit polls indicated voters also were impressed with Ginn's promise to balance the budget, lower the crime rate and occasionally get a little separation on the cornerback and then not drop the damn ball.

-Dolphins linebacker Joey Porter complained that Tom Brady gets preferential treatment from officials and has "his own rules." Joe, a small suggestion if I might: Less talking, more sacking.

-An article on ESPN.com posits that joining Dwyane Wade in Miami might be a seriously considered option for LeBron James next summer. Cannot confirm the writer's unnamed source might have been giddily wishful-thinking Pat Riley.

-It turns out layering wet newspapers under a bed of mulch significantly retards weed growth. Seriously. New hope for our industry! If I cannot enlighten or entertain you with pithy prose or astute commentary, at least let me help you fight crabgrass.

-The Miami men's basketball team, playing its first exhibition game Monday, is 56th in ESPN The Mag's preseason rankings. Is it too late to bring back Jack McClinton and claim it's his previously unknown younger twin brother?

-The Heat finally lost after starting 3-0. Cannot confirm that some of the 1972 Dolphins, apparently a bit confused, popped open champagne to celebrate.

-In hockey, the slow-starting Panthers actually had won three games in a row entering their weekend back-to-backer with Washington. No, seriously.

-The Yankees' World Series championship was their first since 2000, prompting a 16-year-old Bronx teen to recall faint memories of the club's previous title and lament the possibility he could be "practically an adult before they might ever win another one."

-After a ticker tape championship parade in New York on Friday, the Yankees were given the key to the city. Within hours, the city reported most of its jewelry was missing.

-Yankees-Phillies enjoyed strong TV ratings. Apparently, the only people who missed the World Series were the umpires working it.

-Phillies second baseman Chase Utley's five Series home runs tied Reggie Jackson's record. Jackson was "Mr. October." Does that make Utley "Mr. October-into-November?" "Mr. Octvember?"

-During the World Series, The Philadelphia Inquirer inadvertently published a three-quarter-page Macy's advertising congratulating the Phillies for their back-to-back titles. There was no immediate response from the White House or President Thomas E. Dewey.

-Marlins traded outfielder Jeremy Hermida to Boston for two young lefty pitchers. The trade leaves a big hole to fill, though, as Florida now seems suddenly lacking in chronically underachieving players.

-Alan Cohen reportedly is negotiating to step down after eight years as the Panthers' majority owner. Cohen's time as owner has been hugely successful if you don't count losing tons of money, watching the fan base erode and never making the playoffs.

-You think you had a bad week? Look on the bright side. You could be disgraced Fort Lauderdale attorney and accused scam artist Scott Rothstein.

-The Gators suspended defensive star Brandon Spikes from Saturday's Vanderbilt game for unsportsmanlike conduct. That's sort of like the New York Yankees being without Derek Jeter and somehow having to beat that Little League team anyway.