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Friday, Aug. 29, 2008

Loose Lips: Scratch that, multiply it by $1,000

Is state Sen. Jeff Denham's press office secretly run by Dr. Evil, the financially fuddled arch-enemy of Austin Powers, who held the world hostage for $1 million?

Lips thinks so.

Denham's Ministry of Information dashed off a news release this week calling for a group of California's upper crust -- who had announced they support higher taxes -- to bridge the state's $15 million revenue shortfall among themselves.

Ha! Million? Please. That's a pittance to this state. About a half-hour later, when Dr. Evil realized the mistake, a revised version noting that the state's budget is held hostage by a shortfall of 15 ... billion ... dollars!

That's "b" as in "billion."

Readers willing to clean up this mess can write checks to Mike Genest, director of the California Department of Finance, State Capitol Room, Room 1145, Sacramento, CA 96814. Note that it's a gift to the state's general fund.

Given the way budget talks are (not) going in Sacramento, Lips wants Dr. Evil to bring his sharks with laser beams attached to their freakin' heads. That's the only way this budget is going to get cut.

Yeah, baby, yeah!

We're shocked!

Speaking of Denham, Lips has noticed a sarcastic shift in his tone lately. Of course, the budget is now 60 days late, one of California's longest-running financial comedies.

First, when the guv announced with gusto that he wouldn't sign any bills that came to his desk until the budget passed, Denham said, "Great! Many of the bills the Legislature passes do California more harm than good."

That's a little defeatist, especially for a lawmaker.

Then, when Arnie flip-flopped and said he'd make a special exception for the high-speed rail bill, Denham exclaimed, "I'm shocked!" Only Capt. Renault in "Casablanca" could've put it better.

And that was all his, not the fancy wordsmithing of his newest spokeswoman, Jann Taber. The senator, she said, was being sarcastic, but has been trying to capture his anger in his statements about the overdue budget. "He's really being candid about what's happening," she told Lips. "He's just very frustrated."

The guv's turnaround angered the sandy-haired senator because he believes elected leaders need to keep their word at the Capitol. Hmm ... politicians keeping their promise? That's as easily done as passing a budget.

Lips recalls the days when Denham's press releases were lengthy and had a breezy, relaxed tone, such as "Denham's 21st Century Skills Measure Sails Through Senate" or "Denham Scores Perfect Marks with Farm Bureau."

Taber said those days are over. She favors the pithy and brief statements. "You'll see very little fluff," she promised.

Pig-a-palooza

With the election nearing and politicians turning on the Charm-o-matic, Lips wants to make sure it stays neutral in Supe Watch '08.

After noting Hub Walsh's old-fashioned ice cream social last week, opponent Jim Sanders alerted Lips to his pork party Oct. 3 at Lake Yosemite.

No, it's not a shadowy shindig so special interests can queue up their favors, should he conquer District 2. "We politicians run away from that word," he said. "(Pork) is good when it's barbecued and served to an appreciative crowd."

Sanders may be roasting pork, but Lips think the real crowd-pleaser would be watching fires lit beneath the Sacramento pols.

Pass the gravy -- and the budget!