Here’s how you can social distance without damaging your relationships, experts say

As some states see a resurgence of coronavirus cases and record numbers of new infections, some people may be eager to continue social distancing despite loosening restrictions.

But what if your friends and family don’t feel the same?

Dr. Kate Hamilton-West, a health psychologist at the University of Kent in England, said different personality types have varying value systems and thresholds for risk, the BBC reported.

“Protecting others, for example, is something that people will value to different degrees... for some people, that might be less important to them than things like, for example, having autonomy over your own decision-making,” she told the outlet.

Differing opinions on social distancing can cause tension, especially since the coronavirus is primarily transmitted person-to-person.

But experts say a different opinion on the topic doesn’t have to damage your relationships. Here’s how to engage with loved ones whose social distancing habits aren’t as strict as your own.

Avoid blaming language

The first step? Avoid blame-placing language such as “you should” or “I don’t like it when you do this,” Miriam Kirmayer, a clinical psychologist and friendship researcher, told The Atlantic.

Instead, she suggested starting with an open-ended question such as “What value is [this measure you don’t follow] conflicting with?” according to the outlet, as well as emphasizing that you’re concerned for their safety as well as your own.

“It helps in those conversations to try to validate for our friends why this is hard,” she told The Atlantic. “Not to make it seem like engaging in social distancing and taking this seriously is easy.”

This also means taking responsibility for your own thoughts and concerns, Seth Gillihan, a clinical psychologist, wrote for WebMD.

This means saying, “I worry that you’re going to bring the virus home to Grandpa,” instead of telling loved ones that you think they’re being “stupid or selfish,” Gillihan wrote.

Kirmayer seems to agree.

“Instead of labeling a friend as irresponsible or reckless... it can be helpful to focus on your own values and experiences and to express that this is coming from a place of care and concern, as opposed to a moral high ground,” she told the BBC.

Set boundaries

Lyndsay Volpe-Bartram, chief of psychology at Spectrum Health in Grand Rapids, Michigan, said setting boundaries is crucial for bridging the gap between those with differing social distancing habits, WXMI reported.

She recommended being careful with the language you use and rehearsing it ahead of time so that you can deliver it confidently, according to the outlet.

This could look like telling family members that you’re comfortable meeting outside or that they can come play with your children, but that you prefer they not touch them, she told WXMI.

“You don’t have to write an essay, or give 15 bullet points about why you do or do not want to do something,” Volpe-Bartram told the outlet. “If it’s what you believe and what you’re comfortable with, it’s OK to state that straight as is.”

She also said it’s important to check in with your loved ones about what they’re comfortable with to see where you do and don’t overlap, according to the outlet.

Model how you want others to act

Disaster preparedness studies suggest practicing what you preach is the best way to get others to follow suit, Time reported.

“The literature shows that people will change their behavior if there are three conditions in place: they know what to do, why to do it and they see other people like themselves also doing it,” Monica Schoch-Spana, a medical anthropologist and senior scholar at the Johns Hopkins Center for Health Security, told Time.

This could mean telling family members specifically what you’re doing and why, Vox reported, using language such as “I’m happy to pick up what you need at the store, but I’m not coming in — text me your list and I’ll leave it on the porch,” in conjunction with fact-based reasoning such as ”You can be asymptomatic but still spread it to other people, so I’m erring on the safe side.”

Try humor

In a similar vein, sharing funny memes or videos about social distancing and other health precautions could make loved ones more likely to adapt their behaviors to match, VeryWellMind reported.

Seeing that others — be it on social media or in person — are taking precautions can forge a strong sense of social identity and spark the desire to adhere to recommendations from health experts, according to the outlet.

Don’t catastrophize

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends that you stay at least 6 feet away from people who aren’t in your household, but that doesn’t mean that tiny deviations could result in contracting COVID-19, Gillihan wrote on WebMD.

“For example, if a fellow hiker stumbles and briefly comes within 5 feet of you, it’s unlikely you’ve just contracted the virus (which would also depend on their carrying it),” he wrote.

While it can be aggravating to see that someone isn’t doing everything they can to keep their distance, it’s best to avoid making yourself more concerned than necessary, Gillihan wrote.

This story was originally published June 11, 2020 at 9:58 AM with the headline "Here’s how you can social distance without damaging your relationships, experts say."