Jordan's Skinny Mixes makes great (deep sigh)... Skinnyccinos

As far as my preferred caffeine vessels go, energy drinks and fresh brewed coffee top the list. Something called a "Skinnyccino?" That wouldn't have made the cut.

And yet, here we are, talking about the best pre-made coffee I've ever had.

Jordan's Skinny Mixes casts a wide net across a low-calorie, caffeinated spectrum. The brand's mixes felt like a natural fit for me -- a couple ounces of energy drink syrup to mix into a glass of water for a midday boost. But while those were perfectly fine, they took a backseat to the premixed coffees that wound up crushed in under five minutes each time.

So yeah, let's just get into it.

Vanilla Skinnyccino: A

Boy, does spellcheck ever hate that name. Anyway, despite the promise of a healthier pre-made coffee, this 11-ounce bottle clocks in at 110 calories -- only about 30 fewer than Throne Sports Coffee's lattes. That payload comes from the dairy within, which also adds a useful eight grams of protein per serving.

The first sip is vanilla heavy in a wonderful way. There's a bit of a melted ice cream vibe here, as though you let a coffee-vanilla two-scoop cone lose its volume in the sun. It's not nearly as thick, but it is incredibly tasty. The sweetener is sucralose instead of stevia, which keeps things familiar and avoids the too-slick, stick-to-your-tongue aftertaste of the plant-based non-sugar.

It's delicious and super easy to drink. At 100 milligrams of caffeine, it's a solid mid-afternoon pickup. This may be the best canned/bottled coffee drink I've had yet.

Caramel Skinnyccino: B

This one is being sipped from the bottle on a lovely Wisconsin morning. Cracking the top unleashes a wave of familiar and expected sweetness. The coffee and caramel lurk underneath that creamy sugary scent.

The opening sip is once again very nice; sweet and creamy. but it lacks the end-of-sip tang the vanilla created. The caramel is a little overly sweet and not quite as sharp. It leaves you in a good spot, but compared to how good the vanilla was, is a little underwhelming.

Strawberry Dragon Fruit energy mix: C+

Pouring this in the 1:5 syrup-to-water ratio suggested on the bottle gives you a clear beverage with a hint of rose to it. There's some hard candy strawberry wafting up between my ice cubes to reassure me the mix won't just be a La Croix-style flavor suggestion.

Indeed, the syrup has spread across my glass, giving you a soft, sweet flavor and a denser texture that's slightly uncomfortable. The result is a drink that tastes a whole lot like 1990s Squeeze-its in a fancier vessel. The syrup is sweeter than it is fruity.

That lack of balance leaves things feeling light (in terms of flavor, not mouthfeel), but generic. It's kinda lackluster, but would likely work better with a seltzer instead of still water.

Wild Berry energy mix: B-

This has a bit more color to it than the strawberry dragon fruit, though it's still a pale lavender in my glass. The opening sip is, on cue, very sweet. But you can also tell some of the particular berries apart here in a way you can't always with mixed fruits. Blueberries and raspberries stand out, though without the gentle tartness that could help snap off each sip.

So you're left with another drink that feels like it's been pulled from a 90s lunch box. It's fine; easy to drink and delivering the modest caffeine promised on the label. It's just a little boring -- though an extra non-sparkling energy drink option outside the coffee/tea realms is nice to have.

Would I drink it instead of a Hamm's?

This a pass/fail mechanism where I compare whatever I'm drinking to my baseline cheap beer. That's the standby from the land of sky-blue waters, Hamm's. So the question to answer is: on a typical day, would I drink Jordan's Skinny Mixes over a cold can of Hamm's?

The coffees are absolutely worth your time. The energy mixes are less successful, but I can understand the appeal of keeping a bottle at your desk in case of a caffeine emergency in the office.

This is part of FTW's Beverage of the Week series. Here, we mostly chronicle and review beers, but happily expand that scope to any beverage that pairs well with sports. Yes, even cookie dough whiskey.

This article originally appeared on For The Win: Jordan's Skinny Mixes makes great (deep sigh)... Skinnyccinos

Reporting by Christian D'Andrea, For The Win / For The Win

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This story was originally published June 26, 2026 at 11:01 AM.