Life before death: Making the most of your final years

A doctor noticed a swelling on my left ankle.

That led to X-rays, an MRI and eventually a full body bone scan. Some reports hinted at cancer, others at major arthritis, and others at more testing.

I felt as if I were dancing with death. But for some reason, I was not concerned. I am 97. Even if it is cancer, it will not change my life. The good news ‒ there was no cancer.

Frankly, I am amazed at how calm I was about the whole experience. And this led me to think about sharing thoughts about the final dance.This period is unique ‒ we of a certain age are dealing with the final transition ‒ waiting for death. Yet, while I feel old, I do not feel next to death. My doctor was right ‒ I am not eligible for hospice. But I am right around the corner.

The real question is how much this is impacting my life. I can no longer fake it. Before, if my back and legs hurt, I could still walk almost upright. But now I really must have my cane and am most comfortable with a walker.

I am not delighted with this new transition. For example, I need to go to Dillard's Department Store to buy some lingerie and get a makeup lesson for older women. My dilemma ‒ I can drive to Dillard's, but then parking and walking in is another matter.

And that puts a spotlight on changes in my relationships. First of all, most of my close friends have died. And even though I know many people, I do not have anyone I could ask to take me to the doctor. Or maybe I do, but I don't want to. I want to keep those who remain in my life as friends, not as caretakers.To get a handle on this time of life, I asked each member of the group I colead at the Senior Friendships Center, "The Aging Rebels," to articulate both the best and most challenging parts of their current lives. There are contradictions, fears and surprises ‒ both positive, like becoming a great grandparent and negative, like dealing with divorce.

We are struggling with many questions. Am I still competent? Is my sense of self changing? Am I still experiencing joy? Do I have meaningful relationships? Do I still have a purpose?

Free to be me

Over and over, the word freedom emerged as the key to happiness. One woman shared that her life had "fewer boundaries. When my husband died and my children were themselves parents and grandparents and I was no longer working as a nurse, I was free."

Others chimed in that they were free of watering plants and pet care, free to set their own schedule, financially liberated and simply free to fill the hours however they pleased. On the other hand, there was agreement that major challenges revolved around losses such as physical decline. There was the loss of energy, good health and good sleep. There was the loss of one's competency, as summed up by one man who asked, "Have you recently bought a smart TV?"

One's time perspective shifts between feeling that time is running out and feeling that you have too much time on your hands. Many in my group complained they no longer had a reason to get up in the morning. And one person asked how to handle simultaneous, conflicting thoughts: "I want to die in my sleep, but at the same time I want to live," they said.

Other losses included less Intimacy with a spouse, partner, children and friends; the feeling they had no purpose, and financial challenges.

With so many questions, concerns and feelings, what can we do to make this a meaningful, positive time in life?1. Examine your financial portfolios. One woman claimed that after a career during the era when one had pensions, she can afford to keep living. For many, however, reductions in health care insurance make this a frightening time in life. Talk with a financial adviser about the best time to begin taking Social Security. If necessary, many get part-time jobs. 2. Recalibrate your psychological portfolio. Just as you reassess your financial portfolio, you need to examine your psychological portfolio ‒ your sense of identity, your emotional resilience, the way you see yourself, and your perception of how others see you. You also want to look at the strength of your relationships with friends, family, and acquaintances and your purpose in life.3. Strengthen your Supports-This is what I call the "4 S System:" Supports, self, situation and coping strategies. First, ask yourself whether your overall situation is a plus, minus, or neutral? Do you have personal and institutional Supports? Do you see yourself in a positive or negative light? Do you see yourself as optimistic or pessimistic? And finally, do you use multiple coping strategies ‒ sometimes trying to fix what ails you, other times trying to reframe the negatives and lastly trying to exercise or incorporate other practices that help you to breathe and heal. 4. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. If you are a writer and can no longer write, if you are a swimmer and can no longer swim, if you are a pilot and can no longer fly, then do you just give up? Hopefully, the answer is no. It is important to grieve for what you have lost and then, over time, move on to another part of your identity.5. Tweak your attitude about death. According to an article in the New York Times, the late anthropologist Jane Goodall said beautiful words about life's end: "I always say to people that my next adventure will be dying… Because either there's nothing, in which case you don't care, do you? Or there's something ‒ which I believe ‒ then I can't think of a greater adventure than finding out what that something is."

Nancy K. Schlossberg is Professor Emerita at the University of Maryland. She is the author of 10 books, including "Too Young to be Old," "Revitalizing Retirement'' and "Retire Smart, Retire Happy."

This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Life before death: Making the most of your final years

Reporting by Nancy K. Schlossberg, Special to USA TODAY / USA TODAY

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This story was originally published June 26, 2026 at 11:58 AM.