Love doesn’t retire: The new lessons I learned about romance in my 90s | Opinion
Falling in love can happen at any age.
I thought I would be alone the rest of my life when my beloved husband died when I was 92. Surprise! A lonely widower named Wolfgang became my partner. Both of us found joy and companionship together.
We don’t often talk about romance in our later years. It’s as if love and intimacy belong only to the young. But I’ve seen — and lived — a different story.
Falling in love after 70, 80 or 90 creates the same excitement as falling in love at any age.
In my 40 years as a marriage and family therapist, I supported people through all stages of partnership: longing, loss, conflict and repair. But what’s often missing from our cultural conversations is the chapter that comes after retirement, after bereavement and after the world stops expecting you to be in love. That’s when something remarkable can still happen.
After falling in love again myself, I began interviewing other older couples who had found companionship later in life. What I heard, again and again, was quiet astonishment: “I didn’t think this could happen again,” they’d tell me, “but here we are.”
Their stories — full of humor, challenge, wisdom and joy — became the heart of my book, “Romance in Your Golden Years: Companionship and Intimacy,” and a reminder that elder romance is as rich and real as any love story.
These relationships are not second best. They are seasoned with perspective, care and intentionality. They often carry the wisdom of past loves and the humility to be present now — fully and vulnerably.
And yet, older adults who desire connection often face cultural assumptions that discourage them from seeking it out. Many live alone. Some have lost spouses. Others have grown children with busy lives. The need for closeness doesn’t disappear — it only deepens. But we don’t always make space for it.
We should.
As people live longer, we must rethink what aging looks and feels like. Companionship in our golden years isn’t a luxury — it’s a source of vitality. It gives our days meaning, rhythm and warmth.
Not everyone finds romantic love again. But the need to be seen, touched and laughed with remains. Whether it’s through new friendships, shared meals, spiritual communities or creative expression, connection matters.
For me, writing became a lifeline — both a purpose and a way to share what I was learning. Others may find that meaning in painting, music, mentoring or playing a very good hand of bridge.
What matters most is that we continue to seek joy, and that we don’t give up on the possibility of new beginnings — even at 92.
If there’s one message I hope readers take from this, it’s this: Our emotional lives don’t end when we retire. They continue to unfold, surprise us and invite us into deeper relationship — both with others, and with ourselves. Love doesn’t retire. And neither should we — at least not from connection.
Colene Sawyer Schlaepher, Ph.D., is a retired marriage and family therapist and longtime Folsom resident now living in Carmichael. She is the author of “Romance in Your Golden Years: Companionship and Intimacy,” and will celebrate her 95th birthday this summer.
This story was originally published August 2, 2025 at 6:00 AM with the headline "Love doesn’t retire: The new lessons I learned about romance in my 90s | Opinion."