Big game? Super Bowl is giving us indigestion
What, exactly, are we supposed to make of “XLIX”? That sounds more like a laxative than the ultimate American sporting event.
Perhaps comparing the Super Bowl to a laxative is fitting this year. Has anyone involved in the game given us a reason to enjoy (as opposed to merely watch) Sunday’s de facto national holiday and annual paroxysm of excess?
The only team most of us will be rooting for will be the ones in striped shirts. After all, the referees and officials might be the biggest underdogs in the history of sports. Their task is to keep their eyes on every single, tiny, difficult detail of the game. Are the Patriots’ footballs fairly inflated? Are the Seahawks’ egos deflated enough to keep their heads from exploding? Will Bill Belichick find a new way to cheat? Will Richard Sherman’s bluster make the Arizona desert even hotter?
What, exactly, are the penalties for boorish behavior, bad sportsmanship or excessive self-centered posturing?
Is there anyone on either team who qualifies as likeable? Think about Marshawn Lynch, who appears to be, well, a jerk. He answered every question in Tuesday’s media session with “I’m here so I won’t get fined.” Not that we’re particularly interested in anything he has to say, but that’s simply bad manners. Perhaps it was better than standing in front of reporters and telling them, with a straight face, that you have absolutely no idea how those footballs lost so much air. Insults, at least, are honest.
What reason do we have for watching this Super Bowl? Maybe just something to glance at between scoops of guacamole, buffalo wings, slices of pizza and swigs of adult beverages. Yes, there will be a game on TV, but it’s doubtful many people will be paying much attention (except maybe to Katy Perry). There’s all that food; all those number grids; all those commercials; all that imbibing. And what happens if we over-indulge in this festive fare and find ourselves plopped on the couch suffering stomach distress? Well, maybe XLIX will be good for something after all.
This story was originally published January 30, 2015 at 4:48 PM with the headline "Big game? Super Bowl is giving us indigestion."